Stephanie was a set up date. Apparently we’re both vendors of the same client. Not only that but both the same kind of vendor. Nice. My guess is we’ll be talking about work. I knew that shen she set it up for 3 in the afternoon – on a Tuesday – I wasn’t ranking as a priority. But as I tell family and friends, it’s batting practice right now.
I want to make sure I can carry a conversation, especially one that avoids talking too much about exes or slips into distaste for the midwest. They really don’t like their baby called ugly. Out of shape and uninteresting, maybe. But don’t call their baby ugly.
Although I shot her an email on my way out the door to let her know I was on my way, she was there when I got there and reminded me that I was late. Possibly an attempt at charm, more likely a power play. We move to the bar, I let her order first and – wait for it…
3, 2, 1 “You really don’t want to date me,” she says. Honestly. Right after the vodka redbull she orders is put on the bar and wholly unprompted by me. Wow. What am I doing here. Oh yeah, batting practice. She continues, “Yeah, I am 34 years old and never been married. My life is a mess. I am a serial dater, dating a few different guys right now but all I really want to do is settle down. You should walk, no run away. Seriously.”
I am only on my second sip of vodka soda at this point and wondering how to play it. A couple of thoughts. 1). I am sticking it out. She got me out of the office and I still have an entire vodka soda to go. 2). Challenge. Not the ‘slay the dragon’ challenge – well there is that. Can I keep the conversation engaging and see where it goes. 3). Stephanie really needs to work on her self marketing. 4). I know what I want and I know what I deserve. This is not it. (We’ll get to what I might need later).
“Slow down a minute” is my call to her. And I explain that we’re not dating here, we’re meeting at the suggestion of our friend. Let’s enjoy the drinks and the afternoon. “And one thing at a time”…funny, that’s how I deal with my 4 year old daughter too. We talk about the unmarried at 34 thing, that’s her being hard on herself, holding herself to unrealistic expectations and ‘societies’ ideals. And I didn’t share this but anyone that’s dependent on a marraige to set their life right…I feel bad for the marraige. The serial dating…we’re all single adults here. Enough said.
My takeaway about knowing what I want and what I deserve…meant more to me than what I left at the bar 45 minutes and another vodka soda later.
February 9, 2010 at 2:40 am |
..it’s the ying-yang….light dark, light dark…too hard to know when you’re in the light and when you are the light…but perspective is everything and for all it’s worth, the worth is all you’ve got…so stick your game, hold true to what IS true and don’t settle for less that what is best, best for you, best for her and best for being alive..for life is all you have for now and to waste the breath on anything less than the moments that take it away is simply a tragedy and you’re too inspirational and poignant to wallow in the muck of the tragic…so ‘here here’ to your vodka and soda…clear your head and breathe in the cold crisp air…believe, for that which you believe is not only true, but becomes reality too…p3